Cult Survivor and Writer

There are thousands of cults out there. Religious, philosophical, political, self-improvement cults, and more. They prey on intelligent, hard-working people who seek a more meaningful life. Usually, they get a person when they’re at a crossroads of some kind, feel dissatisfied with life, and are looking for a change.

That was me in 1967. At age 18, I dropped out of college and made my way to New York City, leaving my conventional Midwestern upbringing behind. My goal was to go into theater and become an actor, singer, dancer. Broadway was my dream.

I took classes at a prestigious acting school with highly regarded teachers and many famous actors as alumni. You would have thought I was safe. I wasn’t. A teacher lured me into a cult called Aesthetic Realism, founded by a poet and scholar named Eli Siegel.

Within a year, I gave up my family, friends, home, and ability to think for myself. Under intense pressure, I surrendered my gay identity. Then I spent decades providing thousands of hours of unpaid or starvation-wage labor to promote this philosophy I believed could save the world. I lived in a state of fear and dependence under the influence of coercive mind control tactics. Staying in the good graces of the cult leader and group felt like a matter of life and death. I was certain I’d be nothing if I ever left.

It took me over three decades to free myself.

In time, I managed to reclaim my life and forgive myself for my wrongdoings, including the collective cruelty I’d participated in as a cult member. I also returned to my true sexual identity as a queer woman. Every day, I am in awe of the good fortune that has come my way since leaving the cult. I found fair wage jobs, beginning in journalism. As a working member of the New York City press corps, I covered the city council and produced news and features for community newspapers. (My byline appeared in more than sixty local papers.) Then, I transitioned into communications jobs and, later, administrative roles for the City of New York. I also engaged in meaningful volunteer work – work I still do today.

I am in the homestretch of writing my memoir. It will be the first comprehensive insider account of this insidious New York City cult, which has damaged thousands of lives.

If you have never been in a cult, my goal is to help you understand how and why people – perhaps someone you love – can become ensnared, and how to help them get out. Or if you yourself have ever been trapped in a cult or in any situation of mind control or abuse, I want you to know you can recover and lead a good life. It’s never too late.